Ecstatic Alternatives to Punishment

When I first put the words "ecstatic" and "mothering" together, I did so because there was just something about that combination that resonated with me. I am just now realizing what ecstatic mothering truly means to me, and how it guides my entire experience of parenting (and living).

Ecstatic communion is a state of being we can experience in any relationship with any living being during our lives. It is most commonly felt as the blissful high when we first "fall in love" with a lover... it is like we are transported to another dimension where everything is right and perfect, and the whole world is our playground. Ecstatic communion is characterized by feelings of deep attunement with another being, wordless understanding, a blissful dance of energetic entwinement, and being unspoken allies who are always inspired towards their shared highest good.

Ecstatic communion is my guiding light, my highest aspiration, for all my close relationships, especially my children (since their entire experience of relationship is initially defined by their relationship with me). This type of all-encompassing love is our most cherished desire as living beings... if we are lacking in this, nothing else in existence is good enough to replace it. Helpful hint: we can give this to our own selves too, in fact, we must if we are to truly receive it from another.

I feel sad when I see a parent spank their child, or verbally/emotionally manipulate their child, humiliate them, bribe them, or use any other form of "love withdrawal" to control behavior. My sadness comes not from seeing the spanking/anger/manipulation itself, but because of what it implies: neither the parent nor the child are experiencing the nourishing, blissful state of ecstatic communion with each other. They are experiencing disconnection, frustration, emotional pain and despair, although they may not recognize them to be that because those are such normal feelings for so many. The parent does not understand the child, and is not softening their opinion of what is happening and questioning deeply enough to hope to reach an understanding of their child.

Many parents think their child does not know how to act in the world, and it is their job to show the child how to act, by whatever means necessary, for the child's own good. The end justifies the means. But think... which is more innately perfect, the "ways of the world" (meaning our cultural routines and unquestioned traditions), or your child who just entered the world and looks upon it with pure eyes, and interacts with it with pure, highly sensitive and huge feelings? Your child has not yet created an emotional stone wall between the way they feel about an experience they had, and the way they are told they should feel about it. Hopefully, they will never have to.

Of course, it is beneficial to accept the world as it is, even if there are many things you wish to change. But that does not mean you have to compel your child to conform to the "ways of the world" using stern and angry feelings. You certainly can, and that is okay... but how do you feel when you do that? Is that how you desire to feel?

What I do instead, simply because it inspires my experience of ecstatic communion: I remember that my child is more perfect than the world... and will certainly improve the world by their presence, if their higher-vibrational purity is allowed and encouraged. Then from this place, I am my child's ally, and show him around the world he entered with all its nuances, willing to patiently demonstrate and explain anything he requests a deeper understanding of. Example: I ask myself, is he ready for the responsibility of carrying a glass over a hard floor? If not, all the glasses stay out of his reach, and if he sees me with one and wants it, I explain why I am going to hold it for now, so he becomes familiar with the concept long before I feel he is ready and willing to take on the responsibility of caring for something as fragile as glass. If he throws a fit about it (which is likely, since his desire for experience is so strong), I acknowledge his feelings (usually just with my peaceful, loving presence) and offer him a more appropriate activity to direct his energy into. There are many more examples, some simpler and some more complex in their most harmonious approaches. But examples aren't necessary if you let ecstatic communion be your guide.

If you desire to experience more ecstatic communion in your relationship with your child, here are some aspects of ecstasy consciousness I value the most:

Be in Your Bliss, All-Ways. Live for yourself, not for your child. You can't be centered in someone else... so be self-centered. If you ever feel depressed, lonely, exhausted, irritable, etc... it means you are not doing what you are meant to be doing at that moment. This is of such vital importance to parenting. Your child looks to you for their primary example of HOW TO LIVE. Would you rather them see you enthusiastic about each day and all the amazing things in your life... or trudging along and living your life for someone else, mood swings and all? You know what it is that fills you with life. If you are feeling unfulfilled, ask yourself, "if I could do anything right now, what would it be?" ... then consider how you can restructure your life to bring you more of this element, and all others that inspire you. Your child will see that life is grand and beautiful, and that it is to be lived fully and with appreciation.

If you feel anger or frustration about your child behaving differently than you desire, immediately assume that the core of what initiated their behavior was a desire for something good, important and essential. Even if you don't know what it is at first (sometimes it is buried deep under a seemingly unrelated behavior), knowing that their core, hidden desire was for something beneficial, will change the way you respond to them, and you are more likely to seek harmonious resolution, express acceptance and loving kindness, and return more quickly to ecstatic communion with them. Extend this same assumption to yourself whenever you feel moody or "act out", and you will experience so much more self-love and self-understanding.

If you happen to find yourself in a state where your stress threshold is near its tipping point (most of us have been there at some point... always a result of not being in our Bliss at that moment), and your child just triggered you, and you have an urge to yell or hit something, this is an important moment where much learning can occur. You can turn around and yell away from your child, and/or hit a pillow or the floor, or something similar... and your child will see that it is not about them, it's about you. They will learn that strong emotion, when it is OWNED (rather than projected onto another with anger or blame), is a powerful energy capable of great benefit. They need to see how to handle strong emotion, since they have so much of it that is seemingly out of their control when they are young. After you vent some and are feeling a little calmer, sit down next to them (so you are at their "level"), make eye contact, and talk to them about your feelings. For example, "I feel so angry right now, because you are doing this thing and I have yet to find a way to influence you in the way I desire. I feel sad because it seems like you haven't been listening to me, and I desire to be heard! How can we strengthen our communication so you can understand what I desire? I realize I have also been feeling sad lately because I haven't been with my friends as often as I desire... let's plan a time where we can be with friends soon" etc... let all the passion you feel, your desire for illumination, come through your voice with authenticity. This is MUCH more beneficial than either suppressing your feelings, or projecting angry opinions towards them. This way, you are acknowledging that your anger is a personal transformative energy, and you are up for the challenge of transforming in the heat of that moment. Then an experience that was seemingly just stressful and frustrating becomes a very powerful learning experience for both of you!

The Magic of Expectation: A Story

A couple weeks ago, Cedar and I were "reading" a book that he loves, Evie's Kitchen by Shazzie (totally awesome book, btw, about raising ecstatic children!). He loves to look at the pictures, and asks me to read the words and tell him the letters. Anyway, on the back cover of the book is a picture of Evie, probably as a 3 or 4-year old. Blue butterflies are photoshopped around her in the picture, and one butterfly appears to be in her hair, on the left side above her ear. Cedar loves pointing at her and saying "E-bee", and pointing at the butterfly and saying "buh". So he was doing that, and I said "Cedar, a butterfly landed in Evie's hair!!" ... "Uh-huh!" he said. "Cedar, do you think a butterfly will land in your hair, too?" I asked him. He then gazed off into the distance, like he was imagining something, then a moment later said "Uh-huh", his vocal inflections full of wonder and desire. I said in confirmation, "I think so, too".

A few days, maybe a week, later... we were sitting in my parents' pool room, and I saw a butterfly flying towards us, behind Cedar. It landed in his hair, right above his left ear, in the exact place it is in the picture of Evie. He didn't see it, so I told him "Cedar, there's a butterfly in your hair!!" and pointed to the spot. He reached up and gently pulled it off, and saw it in his hand, then it fluttered off. He squealed with delight!! He was very excited about the whole experience.

This was a powerful experience for me, as well, and showed me the magical power of PURE expectation: truly expecting something to happen, with such purity and zero doubts.

Think about this, and think about what your child can create for him/herself if he/she believes it can happen. The only thing they need to be able to believe AND physically manifest something, is the support of the people in their lives they look up to and believe are powerful. If you tell them something is possible, it absolutely is for them. And then, because of the purity of their thought, they will be able to manifest it!

Natural Parenting Works

When Cedar was an infant, in-arms, and I was already doing many things differently than conventional, modern parenting (see previous blog posts), there was no obvious way at the time to see the implications and long-term results my approaches were going to have... I was just doing things My Way, simply because this was how Love & Joy were guiding me.

Cedar will soon be 20 months. I can officially announce that my approaches have worked... and I believe they will continue to work in more profound ways as he grows. I see so many things about the way that he is that inspire wonder and awe in me, things that are reflections of his influences as a fetus, newborn and infant.

This blog post was inspired by a little boy who was just born to some friends of mine who live a similar lifestyle as we do, nature-infused and free. They, also, will be raising their child Their Way, and I desired to share with them how rewarding it has been ALREADY for my husband and I to raise Cedar according to our hearts and intuition, rather than other people's theories or cultural programming.

If you are parenting with purpose, and with consciousness of the effects of every influence you provide, you will see your own version of the results I am seeing. Here are examples of my version, to inspire you to continue with conscious and purposeful child-raising, with enthusiasm and faith in the inevitably amazing rewards!

At 19.5 months, my son Cedar...

...is the most cold-hardy person I have ever met. Do you really have to "bundle up" little babies in thick clothing during the winter to protect them? Or are we meant to develop a natural level of comfort in any weather with minimal or no clothing, if only we are given the chance as an infant? Cedar wears minimal or no clothing (depending on the season, and if we are at home or in public), usually just a t-shirt or two and leg-warmers at home in the middle of winter. We use minimal to no heat in our home in the winter (usually just a couple of space heaters on the coldest winter days). I have become fairly cold-hardy, from purposeful adaptation... but Cedar is WAY moreso, and I am in awe :)

...has never worn a diaper. At his early age, he is pretty much "potty trained". He knows (and often announces) when he is going to pee or poop, and usually does so outside in the grass (this works for us, since we have some wild acreage). At night during sleep, we used to use a puddle pad and towel in our bed for him to sleep on, and at this point most of the time he just sleeps directly on the sheets with me, because it's rare that he pees on the bed now. If he has to pee during the night, I take him to the bathtub and hold him while he goes. I will write a more detailed blog post soon about our experiences with elimination communication, since this is one of the most common things I am asked about!

...has never worn shoes. I can tell that his feet and ankles are extremely strong and well-developed, in perfect proportion to his body, and super cute! He walks around in wild grasses and nature, barefoot. The bottoms of his feet are smooth and beautiful, with an evenly-distributed padding underneath the skin (they do NOT have unsightly callouses, as one might think from not wearing shoes). This beautiful padding on the soles of his feet protects them from sharp burrs and things on the ground, and looks completely natural. From being barefoot, he has learned to be aware of where he is walking, and avoids anthills, spiky plants, sharp rocks, etc. He does love playing "dress up" by walking around in my shoes, which is fun for him... shoes are about play, not something he needs to navigate challenging environments.

...can identify most edible wild plants that grow on our land, and enjoys eating them! He even has his own names for many of them. He can identify, and enjoys eating wood sorrel leaves and flowers, wild arugula flowers ("woo-tah"), wild garlic greens and flowers, greenbriar tips, henbit, dandelion flowers, chamomile, wild dewberries, hackberries, pecans, juniper berries, and more. He can also identify, and avoids, the sharp spiky things that grow here, like bull thistle leaves! We're still working on poison ivy identification... :)

...has already planted seeds in his own garden bed, watered them, watched them grow into plants, and eaten their fruits. He is learning about the growth cycle, and the time it takes, and the nurturing and waiting required for the perfect ripening of plants.

...enjoys a wide variety of strongly-flavored, healthy, natural foods. He experiences a high level of freedom in his food choices, because all the foods I provide for him are nutrient-dense and unprocessed; therefore, it is okay with me whatever he chooses to eat, or not eat. No pressure, no expectations, no enforced mealtimes... just freedom and exploration. One big reason this is possible, besides being only provided with nutrient-dense foods, is that he is still breastfeeding many times daily (he is probably 75% lactarian right now... haha!); so whether he eats or not, I feel confident he is receiving the nutrients he needs from his natural urge to continue nursing on cue.

...is exceptionally healthy and robust. He is strong and gorgeous, with 12 perfect teeth and long blonde hair. He has only had runny noses a handful of times (after being around other children with runny noses), which are only a minor discomfort for him, and only last a few days as his immune system accommodates the new "information".

...understands most of what I say to him. I speak to him in adult language (no baby talk, although I love using his words), and often explain things in detail, with the energetic expectation that he will know or feel what I am talking about. He listens intently, and demonstrates with his actions or words afterward that he understands. When I speak with him, I form concepts as clearly as possible, and also see the images in my mind. I believe there is also a telepathic aspect contributing to his exceptional level of understanding, which is actually normal between parents (especially mothers) and small children... but only if we know it's possible and normal, and act accordingly!


~~~
All that said, this is just as important: when I say "Natural Parenting Works", I am NOT saying that he never cries or fusses, never acts clingy or demanding, or never expresses frustration. He passionately expresses all the emotions that are natural to all humans I have ever met. When he expresses himself, he does it fully, then he is done and onto something else... if he is upset and screaming about something, and I am calmly present with him and listen to him (without getting riled up or trying to change his experience or rushing to "make it better"), he usually resolves it on his own and is laughing again moments later. Childhood is full-on, and intense! This can certainly be challenging for us parents at times, but I can honestly say that the most challenging moments, looked back on, have been some of the greatest gifts he has brought me. I have matured through those moments, by feeling my way through them and being open to their lessons, and I am truly strengthened. I embody more grace, harmony and strength in my being than ever before in my life.

I encourage all parents who read this, as you raise your children, to DO IT YOUR WAY. It may look similar to my way, or very different, but the important thing is to be guided by your own Heart, your own intuition, and what inspires Joy for you. As you make choices consciously and with specific purpose, you WILL see this reflected in your child (immediately or eventually), and your greatest reward will be the Joy you feel from seeing the flowering of the Being in form who is in your care at this time.

Radical Nourishment for Your Magical Toddler

This coming September, my family will be returning to the completely amazing Rethinking Everything conference -- a 5-day conference for families who are forging new paths by transforming lives filled with long-believed societal limitations into lives abundant in freedom, creativity and joy. This annual international conference is in Dallas, Texas, and it has always been a peak point of excitement for me every year I have attended! This year I am hosting two sessions of my own: Radical Nourishment for Your Magical Toddler, and Brave New World. Barb Lundgren, Queen Creator of this conference and an amazing woman/mother I have known for most of my life, recently asked me for a half-hour phone interview on radical nourishment for young children. Our interview went by fast, as there was so much to say!

Click here to listen to the recording of our interview for free!

(click to listen, or right-click to save the file to your computer)


Before our interview, I took tons of notes. I realized during the interview that the way I write is very different than the way I speak... we had an inspired conversation, which went so differently than what I had written down! I'm going to post my notes here, so you can have both. It's all so relevant to this blog, and all these subjects could be expanded upon immensely (and they probably will be). Enjoy!!

~~~~
Q: Tell me about radical nourishment for a young child. It begins with breastfeeding, right? What about breastfeeding? What makes one mama's breast milk different from another?

A: It actually begins with pre-conception cleansing/nourishment of BOTH parents, then pregnancy, then breastfeeding on cue, full-term. Introducing other foods gradually, when the child is truly ready (some signs of true readiness include having teeth to bite & chew, ability to sit upright on their own, true interest in eating rather than just touching/tasting/feeling with mouth). Child-led food exploration, fully supported by breastfeeding. Until a child is 2 or older, eating food is more about exploring the world than taking in nutrients... breastmilk is there in abundance to provide the majority of the nutrients, which eliminates parental stress about "finicky" toddler eating habits. The substances in the contents of each mother's unique milk will transfer affinities for certain foods to the child even before they are eating food... (for example, Cedar LOVES strong-tasting healthy foods like algae, olives, and lots of wild foods).



Q: How do you know what is safe or right for your young child?

A: A little bit of research, and a lot of intuition and common sense. Breastfeeding exclusively for as long as possible gives a baby the chance to prepare fully before eating ANY foods (this could be 6 months, or 9 months, or a year, depending on the child's desire and readiness for food). Most superfoods are safe (things like algae, seaweeds, berries, olives, grass powders), as they are simply nutrient-dense foods. A certain class of herbs called tonic, or adaptogenic, herbs are also safe and very beneficial. Wild foods (most, not all) and medicinal herbs contain more alkaloids (which can be medicinal and healing in small amounts, and can be toxic in large amounts). Especially if you are wild-foraging these, the child will guide themself on this. At 18 months, there are many wild greens which Cedar still has no interest in, and they are often the bitter and fibrous ones. I eat these things, so he receives their benefits through my breastmilk, and from this he is already cultivating a taste for them for later on when they become appropriate for him. He enjoys eating certain flowers more than greens at this point... generally flowers are milder tasting, and have pollens which are gentle, very nutritious and beneficial. If you live on land that your child can freely forage from (where no chemicals have been sprayed), it is good to learn about the small number of poisonous plants, and just pull these up so they aren't an area of concern. Many wild plants and weeds are highly nutritious foods, and many other wild plants are not really used as food for humans, but are not blatantly toxic either. A relatively small amount are toxic. Naturally, we would intuitively know what is edible and what isn't, but we have a ways to go to reconnect fully to that intuition. That's why, as a parent, if you choose to enjoy wild food and allow your child to, learning how to identify plants is an important and very empowering skill to cultivate! I believe it is well worth the time and effort to receive the benefits to you and your child of exceptional health, strength and mental powers, as well as the joyfully freeing knowledge that you are no longer fully dependent on the "system" for your nourishment! ...Your most nutritious food staples are given to you freely by nature, with no corporate middle-man... this is probably AS important to your health as the actual nutrient benefits!

Think about this... all pharmaceutical drugs originally come from medicinal plants. The drugs are isolates of some of the strongest alkaloids in specific plants. These drugs are toxic to our bodies, because all the co-factors that occur naturally in that plant to balance and regulate the effects of the "active" alkaloid have been removed. Yet, people still take these drugs and at first they seem to work. Why? And why do people seem to need these drugs? Because in our culture's standard diet of processed foods, and foods that have been hybridized so they will taste better (which means removing most of the alkaloids, aka medicines), is devoid of medicine. "Your food shall be your medicine, and your medicine your food". So, people need drugs. Including children... many parents give children drugs for illnesses, ear infections, etc, to seeming good effect (only at first, of course, because it is simply quick-fixing the symptom without correcting the underlying issue). When you use your logic to put all this together, it shows that even children require plant alkaloids to stay healthy!


Q: How do you handle outside influences and your child, specifically those that send messages regarding sugars, processed foods, fast food, etc? How do you empower the child at every moment and minimize the bad stuff at the same time?

A: In the world we are living in right now, this can be a challenging situation, which I have thought about and still think about a lot. Ideally, we would be living in community, in nature. The only food that would exist is the foods that we and our fellow community grow by our own hands. A child growing up in their own flourishing garden paradise with healthy community all around is in a very different position than children in today's world. This is what we are transitioning towards, and yet, what do we do as we raise children during this transition? My approach is: choose influences wisely, with as much discernment as possible and practical. Choose friends that care for themselves and their children in radical ways, and your child will experience this as being "normal". We have no desire to go to places in the "old dimension", such as the mall, restaurants, and places that have reason to sell junk food or other artificial, unhealthy contrivances. Instead, we choose to exist in the "new dimension" of abundance, health, nature, community, where everyone is a healthy influence. We host gatherings, parties and playdates at our house, and invite friends and community we resonate with. And we attend gatherings at their places, too. This provides PLENTY of satisfying social interaction for me and for my son, without having to resort to interactions with people who are choosing to live unhealthy lifestyles.

That is all a wonderful, creative thought/ideal, and remember we are in transition, and will experience situations that don't fit into this view. For example, with family members like grandparents, cousins/uncles/aunts, etc. In this case, for any of these people who have an active role in your child's life, sit down with them and share with them the way you are choosing to raise your child, and have a conversation about how they can support you in that. This will be a conversation you will revisit with them as your child grows. Clear communication and honesty about your ideals are very important to maintain respect and love between you.


Q: How long does a parent need to be concerned with the quality of all the food their child is eating?

A: Cedar is only 18 months, and I am already noticing in a big way his (and all children's) desire to explore EVERYTHING in his environment. If there is something in a child's environment that you don't want them to explore, it will very likely become a power struggle at some point. To the degree we are able to provide environments they are able to explore as freely as possible, is the amount of ease we will experience in our relationship with our child. For example, if you want your child to only eat certain foods that you consider healthy, and yet you personally eat some other foods, or keep them in your house for some reason, your child will eventually want to experience them. You can think about how this applies to your particular situation, and make any modifications from there. Just don't expect your child to show no interest in the influences YOU have provided them, whether its your habits, or other children, school, daycare, etc.

Gradually, as your child matures, they will begin choosing their own influences. By this time, if you have raised them to enjoy healthy food and other healthy lifestyle practices, they will have this as their deep-rooted foundation, and for their entire life they will be comparing (often in a deep, subconscious way) everything they choose and experience to their foundational experiences. I have noticed that children who are raised in a healthy environment, even if they choose at some point to delve into some of the harmful things in today's society (which I did myself as a teenager, simply to understand what it is all about), they will learn something valuable from their experience, and most often end up creating a very healthy environment for themselves as adults (and for their children)... often even healthier than the way they were raised! That is my personal experience of my life so far, and I have seen this in others I know, as well.


Q: What about water, juice and other beverages?

A: We drink wild-harvested spring water. Cedar loves it. He especially loves it cold or in "ice" form. Fresh vegetable or fruit juices are great, even right at the beginning of their solid food explorations. Cedar also drinks sips here and there of smoothies and superfood drinks that I make (in small amounts, he seems to prefer food that has more solid textures at this point), and homemade lacto-fermented "sodas" that I make.

Cedar's current favorite foods & beverages: my breastmilk (still 75% of his food intake), radishes from our garden, homegrown sunflower sprouts, wild foods: right now arugula flowers, wood sorrel flowers and leaves, wild garlic greens... chlorella tablets (he loves the crunch), nori seaweed, avocados, apples, frozen berries, cold/frozen spring water and nettle tea infusions ... I waited for a while to introduce seeds and nuts (seed, nut and grain digestive enzymes mature at 2.3 years), but he began expressing a strong interest in activated (soaked then dehydrated, to minimize enzyme inhibitors) seeds, and in-shell pecans from our land, so I am following his intent and letting him practice chewing these things (he has 12 teeth now, including 4 molars)


~~~~

One thing that is of primary importance in radical nourishment is growing your own food, and eating wild foods, so your child can experience directly WHERE FOOD ACTUALLY COMES FROM. This is TRUE "fresh food". It is powerful for a child to learn through experience that food comes from the earth, and grew from little seeds that you and they planted themselves and cared lovingly for until fruition... not lined up neatly on shelves in a big building with bright lights, where you can only have it if you give certain people pieces of green paper and metal coins. Their observation and experience of this is just as significant as the actual nutritional difference between homegrown/wild food and store-bought food. Simply put, children will believe as true the things they experience directly for themselves, OVER what they are told exists in theory.

If you live in a place with absolutely NO ground space to plant a garden, buy lots of pots and start a big, lush container garden on your balcony, in your kitchen, etc! Do what you can do right now, while you steer your life towards your ideal vision in the long term.

~~~
Resources for more information:

Come to my RE session, "Radical Nourishment for Your Magical Toddler" in Sept 2011 ... and for the broader aspects of child raising in a community setting, my session "Brave New World"

Wild-harvest spring water for free in your area: findaspring.com
Read the Ringing Cedars book series by Vladimir Megre

Trust, Responsibility & the Hazards of Life & Nature

I think parenting should be easy. I guess it's really common for parents to worry about their children. People seem surprised by how much I trust Cedar when he's exploring new aspects of his physical world by testing his boundaries in new ways... "oh, be careful! He could fall! He could choke on that!" etc. How can a child learn anything about life if their parents are constantly projecting their fear of possible failure on them all the time? Of course they're going to make mistakes... that's completely essential to learning. Knowing something for oneself, through experience, is completely essential for wisdom and mastery of life. If you're taking someone else's word for everything, you aren't living at all... you don't even know for sure if what other people say is even true, unless you know it to be true through your experience or inner knowing (which is based on wisdom from past experiences).

Cedar is nearly one year. He recently started walking, and neither required nor asked for any assistance from me... so he progressed VERY quickly in his proficiency. He is exploring his physical world full-on. He climbs stairs, and does all sorts of stunts to test and improve his balance. He sometimes looks like he's going to fall. Sometimes he does have a minor fall, and he may cry for a minute, then is totally over it and ready for the next thing. I am with him nearly all of the time, so in general, I am aware of his current capabilities, and also of the things that might be just outside of his current capabilities. I am also aware of the relative danger of what he is doing in every moment, and how what "could" happen may affect him. For example, when he was at the top of the 6-step concrete staircase in my parents' pool room today, I was sitting next to him... feeling totally relaxed and trusting, yet simultaneously alert and ready to step in, just in case in the process of testing his boundaries, he oversteps them a little. I feel like he is the stuntman and I am his spotter!

So what it comes down to, I believe, is trust and responsibility. I can trust Cedar to be responsible for himself and his actions when he's doing something I know he can do, that I know he already understands and has the capability to take responsibility for. Some children never have the opportunity to learn how to handle having small objects in their mouths, because their parents are afraid that they'll choke, so they always take those things away (what a lot of work!). At what point can a child learn how to maneuver small objects in their mouths, if they're never given the opportunity? Nature is smart: gagging isn't choking. Gagging is a natural mechanism that helps a child move an object that's gone a little too far back, up into the front part of their mouth, and is essential for oral development. It isn't something to be alarmed about; just something to be aware of. For me, when Cedar started putting small things into his mouth, I watched him very, very closely, observing how he handled it. Yet, I felt relaxed. He developed proficiency... I can tell that he knows innately what things are small enough to swallow, and what things are too big. Because I trusted him enough to allow him to master this quite a while ago, now when he has a mouthful of pebbles or cucumber chunks, it is no longer even a blip on my radar screen. Some parents would be worried about this for years... what a lot of unnecessary stress!

I am aware of many things that Cedar isn't ready to take responsibility for. These are things that I am committed to being responsible for, until he is mature enough to be capable of it himself. For example, at this stage in his development, he would be unable to comprehend that poison ivy looks a specific way, and that it causes a horrible rash a day or two after you come into contact with it. He will be able to understand this at some point, and until then, it is my responsibility to keep him away from poison ivy, or even better and easier, eliminate all the poison ivy from his normal environment. When I sense he is at the stage where he's able to understand this concept, I will offer him this responsibility, and when I notice that he has fully accepted it, I will no longer have to pay any attention to any poison ivy that may show up in his environment. This will also apply to insects and animals that sting or bite (bees, spiders, snakes, etc), electrical plugs and outlets, and all the other "hazards" of everyday life.

My friend Quinn says it well: "to raise a strong and capable child, give him/her responsibility". We develop confidence in ourselves by understanding how to operate masterfully in our world. I believe this empowerment is the greatest gift we can give our children.

I love being a relaxed parent with a capable child. If at any point I notice I am tense or fearful of something Cedar is doing, I check in with myself: why am I feeling this way? And I adjust my actions accordingly: either Cedar isn't ready for this responsibility and it is up to me to alter our environment or activity; or I just require being a little bit closer so I can "spot" him while he's exploring something new; or I just require relaxing and trusting his inner guidance at that moment. I even realized that when I say "be careful" to him, which sounds so conscious, it was usually based in a feeling of fear! When I thought about it, I realized that of course he's being careful... he's fully alert and immersed in the thing he's exploring. "Be careful" just means that *I* was afraid for him, and it has nothing to do with him!

I am glad I'm realizing all this now... exploring, testing boundaries and mastering new realms is what childhood and teendom is all about, so I'm in this game for quite a while! I choose to have a fun, delightful experience with it :)

Cedar's FIRST Birthday!! Wow, really?!?

Hello... long time no post! Can you guess why? I've been caught up in the most fun, most immersive whirlwind I've ever experienced... being Cedar's mother. I've often had the thought of posting some kind of blog about some aspect of parenting, and then I think about all the other things I just HAVE to say, and it seems so overwhelming! He's napping right now. So I'm going to start this blog and see where it goes... short blogs are fine too, even if I really feel like writing a 200-page book about this past year... :)

Okay, I'll start with some updates. Cedar's FIRST BIRTHDAY is in 10 days! How did THAT happen?!? Staying home with him, committed to being present nearly all the time with his process of development and discovery, I often find myself in a place of timelessness, where hours and days go by as one moment. My biggest joy and delight is observing and relating with Cedar as his true nature shines through more and more every day, and how his unique nature of being interacts with an ever increasingly wide variety of the things and other beings existing in this world. He astonishes me. I completely adore him. He is strong, expressive, bold, totally gorgeous and sweet, very smart and focused, and highly capable of accomplishing anything he sets his mind to (very quickly).

He is walking/running all over the place now, climbing stairs (among many other things), and even proficiently navigating the uneven terrain of nature, barefoot! (he has never worn shoes, for optimal foot development) ... He has long, wavy blonde hair (the most hair I've ever seen on a baby his age!), and tan, healthy, sun-kissed skin. He has excellent posture and muscle tone, and the perfect amount of baby chub to fuel his intensely active lifestyle :) He has 4 huge, glistening white teeth that he loves to show off with big grins... and I think he's growing some more right now -- All signs point to YES on that one! He has a strong voice and very clearly communicates his specific desires, even with his very small repertoire of "english words" (just mama and dada/daddy so far, with hints of other words coming soon).

He is still mostly breastfed... maybe 90% of his nourishment comes from my milk, the rest of it from his "experiments" with food. The way I view his nourishment at this point is: breastmilk is for nutrients (and connection), and any other food is for practice (grasping and chewing) and experience (tastes and textures). At this point, there is no way any other food can come close to my breastmilk in terms of full nourishment for his specific stages of development. I eat nutrient-dense foods and drink nutrient-dense liquids every day, at every meal. Maybe if someone wasn't doing that, their baby would need other foods. I am doing it with great joy and purpose, for him and for myself. I drink a quart of nettle leaf infusion every day (I actually desire that much nearly every day!), and raw superfoods of various types are a big part of my food choices at this point. I'm also enjoying local organic in-season veggies (currently cucumbers and tomatoes, YUM!), pears from the pear tree in our yard, avocados, homemade sprouted rye bread (lightly baked, essene-style), homemade herbal lacto-fermented sodas (I make my own root beer, ginger ale, and a bunch more unique recipes), soft-boiled pastured/free-range eggs, local raw grass-fed butter, adaptogenic herbal teas, and sometimes sprouted, steamed quinoa. And superfood chia drinks. And especially my CHOCOLATE BALLS!! ..a cosmic concoction of raw cacao, a big variety of superfoods and adaptogenic herbs, with coconut oil and a small amount of raw honey.

I chose to list my current favorite foods to expand your idea about what's possible as nourishment during pregnancy and breastfeeding. Of course, the specifics will be different for everyone... and I encourage you to try any or all of the foods I mentioned above, and see what you really love and feel nourished from!

Another popular topic for many parents I talk with... Elimination Communication! When people find out that Cedar has never worn a diaper, and is usually naked (except when we go out, he wears pants or underwear), they wonder how it works! It's been a fulfilling journey of empowerment and communication. We still have plenty of "misses", and that means nothing to me when I feel the satisfaction of seeing him really GET something regarding his elimination... for example, if he pees on the floor, I immediately get a cloth and wipe it up. He sees me do this all the time, so now he usually does it before me! He pees, and if there's a cloth close by, he'll start to wipe it up on his own! We usually go outside on the front porch when I see his "poop signals"; he does it out there and I wash it away with the hose. Well, just today he started squatting/focusing/"pushing", and I asked him if he was pooping, and he immediately walked to the front door to go outside! He has yet to have interest in peeing/pooping in his little potty, but he's starting to make the connection, and I think one of these days I'll find him going in his potty all by himself! The great thing about EC is it encourages a baby to remain aware of their functions of elimination, which they are aware of from birth, but usually taught to ignore by sitting around in wet/poopy diapers for too long... then they have to re-learn later, during "potty training". No need to potty train! Just as babies innately know when they're hungry from the day they're born, they also are aware of their need to eliminate, just as much as adults are. Babies are amazing!

Another thing I desire to talk about, because it's something we did that was different than anyone else I've met so far: we actually didn't take him anywhere in a car until he was over 8 months! Early on, I felt so content staying home with him, and he seemed like in a way he was still "gestating" and was still so sensitive and open to subtle energies (some say there is an "external gestation" period of nine months after birth, and also that a baby's chakras take 3 months to actually seal up!), and I felt inspired to keep him in the "Space of Love" we created for him until I felt an intuitive signal that he was ready to venture beyond. It certainly made it easier that we live on 5 acres of land, so have plenty of SPACE to explore outside... and also that my parents eventually moved next door to us, on 10 acres of beautiful nature! Somewhere around 8 months, I started feeling the desire personally to participate in more away-from-home activities, and at that point Cedar seemed so physically and emotionally mature, and SECURE, and thirsty for as much adventure as possible! So we started taking him to our local farmers market every weekend. Just this past week, Cedar & Isaac & I spent 5 nights at a hotel for the amazingly awesome Rethinking Everything conference. This was a WAY new experience for Cedar, and he loved it! So, waiting to take him into a car didn't have any drawbacks, and only benefits, as I see it. That may be one reason he developed so quickly in his physical abilities... because he had endless opportunity to practice all day long, with no sitting and waiting in carseats.

Whether or not you resonate personally with the choices we made regarding our baby and cars, I desired to present it as an option, to empower new parents with additional possibilities for raising their babies. If my words speak to you in an inspiring way (about anything I did/am doing), that's wonderful, and if you resonate with something else, you will still know of these things as options, maybe to share with other people you know!

Wow, this blog has been satisfyingly long, and I've talked about most of the things I've thought so much about and feel so important to me. Cedar must be glad I'm doing this, since he's still napping! ;) I'm sure I will think of quite a few more things I just HAVE to say, and this is a nice healthy chunk of food for thought, for now!

ENJOY!

Babies & Nature Exploration

Our vibrant and gorgeous son, Cedar, was born on September 21st, 2009, in our bedroom with only his parents present. My labor and birth totally rawked my world, and catapulted me right into my first Mama Superhero experience. Click here to read my birth story.

Cedar is already two months... Wow. Time is nonexistent when I immerse myself in the flow of my newborn. He is an amazing little boy. Strong and coordinated (he already seems to be very close to crawling!), very expressive, totally gorgeous, and highly proficient at his current favorite activities – nursing, sleeping and peeing/pooping :)

One of the most satisfying things about being with Cedar all day is knowing that every single moment, every single experience I facilitate for him is affecting him in profound ways. I do my best to look at the world from his perspective as often as possible, which really assists me in facilitating the healthiest experiences for his development. I especially pay attention to this during his “quiet alert” times... according to “Kids Learn From the Inside Out: How to Enhance the Human Matrix” (totally awesome book, I recommend every parent and parent-to-be read it!), “quiet alert” is one of the six modes of activity/rest that infants move between, and the mode where they absorb and learn the most from their environment.

One thing I have highly enjoyed is facilitating his early familiarity with nature. I feel very strongly about the importance of establishing very early on his comfort and enjoyment in nature – the REAL world – as I believe this will be one of the most empowering attributes he can have throughout his life. I am very aware of what is happening in our world right now, and see clearly that the shaky foundations of the unsustainable, unconsciously man-made world are crumbling. The signs are everywhere, for those who are ready and willing to see. And in these changing times, those of us with the skills to thrive in natural environments are really much better off than everyone else... I believe some of the most important skills of the future include our ability to thrive on wild foods (and recognize/identify them when we see them), our comfort with the natural seasonal temperature changes (our culture has been very much weakened by the constant indoor “climate controlled” environments that disconnect us from the reality of our local environment), and skills like growing our own food in a way that nourishes us deeply, and being able to build structures to live in out of earth materials. Infinite sustainability is the way of the future... simply because if things remained unsustainable, there would be no future on our planet. Soon we will have no choice. We can change with the times kicking and screaming, clinging to the false world that we've been domesticated into being dependent on.... or we can transition with ease, comfort, and joyfulness that we're finally returning to the way of living that creates and maintains true health and happiness. And with the “economy” crisis (which is just another sign of the crumbling unsustainable fake world), having the skills and understanding to be able to thrive with much less reliance on the current monetary system may be one of the most freeing, empowering things possible.

Even this early in Cedar's life, I know how much every experience is affecting him and wiring his brain, especially the repetitive, daily experiences we facilitate for him during his most alert moments. We placed him naked in the grass (a soft, cozy part) for the first time on the third day of his life. We take him for walks outside every day... we happen to be living on 5 acres of land at the moment, which is a perfect playground for his growth. We watch the sunrise and the sunset together. Lately he's started learning how to control his hands and grab or bat different objects... and I've held him next to our juniper trees, and he either contemplates them for a long time, or sometimes bats the branches! We keep the windows open in our home, and the sounds of nature are constantly in the background of our lives... the morning crow songs, our neighbor's donkeys, dogs, cows, etc! He's naked most of the time right now (we're doing elimination communication instead of using diapers, and right now if we put any clothes on him, he would really just pee or poop in them... :)), so he sunbathes regularly and feels the wind against his skin.

All this is so much fun for me, and it's greatly benefiting me as well! I find that I've been outside a LOT more than when I was by myself, because I have a much bigger reason than just me to be outside! I'm also adapting to nature in ways far beyond ever before... I can now comfortably walk barefoot in our wild, un-mowed grass, allowing the tall grass to tickle my legs and various sharp things to poke at my feet for great reflexology/foot stimulation! Wild foods have become a much larger part of my diet, because I know that everything I eat is being transformed into my breastmilk, and the subtle vibrations (and nutrients) of each food I eat is being transferred to Cedar every day, setting him up to be well adapted to these foods when he starts eating solid food. I'm also eating more wild foods with the aspiration of becoming even stronger and more energetic, to be more fully available for my very important, full-on mothering responsibility! I feel a much deeper sense of purpose than ever before in my life, because this matters to me more than anything else I've done before. Because of this, I'm taking better care of myself. I'm breathing deeper, stretching regularly, eating better, going to bed early, waking up at dawn, and being more conscious than ever of my thoughts and feelings and what I'm creating with them.

One of the most wonderful things to me so far about parenting is that babies really do change every day, subtly but noticeably. This makes every day a brand new adventure! I delight in all the small things I notice changing in Cedar. The new sounds and “words” he uses, his increasing clarity in communicating his requirements (including telling me when he needs to pee!), noticing him noticing new things, new physical capabilities and movement patterns, and much much more. Babies change so quickly. I choose to savor every moment.

I post lots of pictures and updates on Facebook. If you're interested in more regular updates on our family, friend me! http://www.facebook.com/chocotrixie

More to come soon, as autumn here in Texas extends nearly to December (it's still warm during the day here! Woohoo!) and we begin to move into the cozy colder months... I plan on writing more about various other things we're doing, including elimination communication/natural infant hygiene/un-diapering (lots of people seem interested in this!)... and I'm sure I'll share various insights on breastfeeding, bed sharing, carrying Cedar nearly everywhere with us, the importance of floor time for practice belly crawling (essential for EVERY other development that comes afterward, including all physical coordination and mental abilities!), responding promptly to his signals (and figuring out what they mean!), the effects the foods I eat have on him (and me :)), and much more.

In the meantime, enjoy reading my massively transformative, unassisted home birth story (link above)... I loved writing it! Oh yeah, and here are some photos of Cedar to convince you to friend me on Facebook so you can see lots more :)